In a recent sexual experience with my husband, I received the gift of his ravishing; a potent, all encompassing ownership of me. It was not an energy of possession, control, extracting, stealing, or power-over. It was an expression of his all consuming desire to dissolve into me, to pleasure me, to claim me, to merge with me, to nourish us both with his uninhibited self-expression and embodiment. To trust his own vision and immerse me into it.

It was an energy of I’ve got you. You can let go. I see you. I hold you as sacred. I will protect and care for you with all of my being.

In that moment of witnessing his ownership of first, himself and then me, I saw so clearly that most, if not all, of the damage, danger, and trauma that this world has experienced at the hands of men is because the concept of “ownership” has been distorted to an unrecognizable place.

Over time, humans have mutated the idea of ownership from stewardship, trustworthiness, safety, and contribution to theft, rape, murder, narcissism, slavery, and greed.

It is no wonder that the feminine and all that’s beyond the binary wants nothing to do with being “owned”.

Being owned has come to mean that you are nothing more than a discardable piece of property. It has come to mean that you have no intelligence, capability, or worth of your own.

Being owned has come to mean being overpowered… Being extracted from for profit.

But true ownership is contributive, not extractive.

It is generous rather than greedy. It’s a relationship in which we give to others, not take from them.

Ownership recognizes, upholds, and amplifies the qualities of that which is owned.

Ownership is an invitation to trust. Ownership is care. Ownership is humility. Ownership is boundaries.

Ownership is leadership.

Our world needs leaders: leaders who are willing to own first themselves, and then that which they are responsible to.

My husband’s “ownership” of me is an expression of devotion. Of responsibility. Of vision. Of desire. His ownership is the essence of true commitment to showing up for the work of sacred union.

Ownership requires that, as a leader, you dismantle the ways you aren’t safe to lead. You must ruthlessly unpack and own all the ways you’ve allowed your vices to control you. All the choices that you’ve made from a selfish place. You must take responsibility for your immaturity, your toxicity, your unconscious patterns… The stories, beliefs, and perspectives that you’ve taken on that aren’t actually yours.

It takes an incredible amount of work to be a healthy owner. And it takes an incredible amount of work to allow yourself to be owned.

To set aside your resistance to being led and guided. Your rejection of care. Your belief that being provided for is proof of your weakness. You must set free your toxic independence. You must be willing to allow pleasure, pain, truth, feedback, vision, compassion, consequences, and presence to penetrate every aspect of your being.

You must rewire yourself to receive.

Becoming an empowered submissive—being owned—means that I am SEEN as the Sacred Space that I Am.

You are mine, and as such I vow to do right by you.

Ownership is an expression of oneness. Ownership says that I am part of you and you are part of me. That anything you do to (or for) yourself is is also done to me.

In this way, ownership becomes selflessness. It is yin to yang. It is Dom(me) to Sub.

Being owned becomes an act of worship.

Additionally, allowing myself to be owned by my husband makes me a better leader. A safer leader.

I understand how to offer care for the beings within my responsibility with more skill, care,  respect, and kindness.

I better understand the consequences of my actions. I can no longer be blinded by ignorance, seduced by power, or frozen into avoidance. I must be present. I must offer the fullness of my being to the cultivation of those under my care. I must be available and in my potency.

I have always been fully capable, worthy, and intelligent.

And now, I am also humble enough to be owned—to be led—by my partner.

Not because I am giving my power to him… He doesn’t need to take anything from or control me. He is already complete.

I am available to be owned because I see the value that I Am to our partnership and I allow my husband to acknowledge it, embrace it, and nourish it with his leadership.

In his moments of dominance, I trust him to protect us, to guide our connection, and to bring to fruition my deepest desires.

Own me, baby.